The Blog Of Doom

Earl Got Your Tounge?

2006-12-02T08:02:00.000-08:00

Greetings, peasants....

Doom thought that you, the peasants, should hear from your exalted leader (meaning Doom) every once in a while.....

So here's what's going on in the..(ahem) WORLD OF DOOM!!!!

LOST is on hiatus until February. Those Others bastards are pissing Doom off. Kate and Sawyer got it on while in a cage and Jack saw everything. This caused him to slice open Ben during surgery. Doom couldn't stop yelling at the TV for the last five minutes. Mr Eko is dead and Locke's the leader (damn hippie). Very cool.

Heroes is a great new show. Save the Cheerleader Save the World, bitch!!! Here is somebody with too much time: http://heroeswiki.com/Main_Page

Saw Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny. Hi-larious!! JB and KG are the greatest band in the world!

It's hard to be really, really good looking.

later, dawgs.

Good Robot Usses

2006-10-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

http://doctordoom.blogspot.com/
IMPOSTERS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED BY DOOM!!!!

This smells like Richards' doing......

BaH! One day Doom will show you all!

London Bridge?

2006-09-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

Doom has some ponderings Doom would like to share with the peasants....

"London Bridges" by Fergie....what is this London Bridge? What does it represent? Why is it the most annoying song ever? Does Fergie's drawbridge go up? Does it go down?

As Doom's serf Brendan would say (a musical math segment, if you will):

Kids Inc + crystal meth = Fergie

Yes, Fergie was on "KIDS INCORPORATED" along with Jennifer Love "Ghost Whisperer" Hewitt and that dude from Kids Inc in "The Monster Squad." You know you love that movie....Wolfman does indeed have nards....

Compliment Doom?

2006-09-26T08:54:00.001-07:00

Recently, Doom has been complimented via The Summer of Compliments blog. Doom is friggin touched!!!

Gosh.....Doom has been around for a while, letting the peasants read Doom's thoughts.

Okay, enough of that. Doom's armor will rust. And trust Doom, nobody wants that.

New season of LOST next week, pretty cool. Doom will more of an update on everything later, when Doom is less busy. Killing Richards is a full-time job, people!

BAH!

Compliment Doom?

2006-09-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Crikey!! Snakes!

2006-09-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

A moment of silence for that Australian Reptilian Adventurer known as the Croc Hunter. He's dead, bitch!!! Holy Crap!

Saw Snakes on a Plane with the great Samuel L. It's even better with audience participation. Pretty cheesey but damn good. Allow Doom to break it down.

Extreme Action Sports Guy/Witness suddenly developed an Australian accent in one scene of the movie.
Hot topless chick (and one half of the mile high club) got bit in a place that would be extremely painful. Did the snake die of silicone poisoning? Doom's joking, of course. They were very nice breasts. Really nice. Another dude got bit on his Johnson. See, that's why Doom's shit is armored. Try to bite that, snake!
The Captain of Sexual Harassment was on board, too. Best lines after Samuel L.
Best death scenes ever. Very painful looking. High heel through the ear gots to be painful!
Dick/Snooty British Guy was killed in a very ingenious way by an wide-mouth Anaconda right after feeding a flippin' ankle-biting dog (named Mary Kate) to it. Wow. That's all Doom had to say.
Samuel L. Jackson had the best lines since Pulp Fiction. When he stated the immortal line of "I'm sick and tired of these Motherfuckin snakes on this Motherfuckin' plane!" the audience went nuts. The physics following this monologue were ridiculous. Blame the Mythbusters.
Why they had a kickboxing champion on board who demonstrated no kung-fu-ery. What up with that?
Finally, props to Kel Mitchell. He landed the plane!! One has to see this scene to believe it.

Lata peasants.

ACTION!

2006-08-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

Doom would now like to review some movies, and pontificate.

Pirates of the Carribean II: Yarrr! Great movie, but you would have had to seen the first one to get a lot of the jokes. Can't wait for the third one, what with the cliffhanger. The cannibals and island were great, but reminded Doom too much of King Kong. Funny scenes, good action. Undead monkeys, great action scenes. A side-bar for a second: Doom was meandering through the local Latverian Blockbuster and saw this title on the shelves, oh-so-close to Lilo and Stitch: Pirates. Looks like "of the Carribean," but with less clothes. The plot line is exactly the same (except with Incan Gold) and the cover looks exactly the same, but it's....

PORN!

Now that's funny.

Superman Returns: Wow. Good storyline, did something no other Superman movie did: Superman has a son. Who likes to crush people with pianos.

Clerks II: By far, one of the funniest movies Doom has seen in a while. One word for you: Pillowpants.

Sky High: Hey, it was free. Not the crapfest Doom expected. Interesting take on Superheroes. Doom sees good things for the villains, as soon as they get out of detention. There was even one who could stretch like Richards. He will, of course, die first.

Butterfly Effect: Highly depressing. Doom has a theory: whenever a comedic actor (like Ashton "Dude, Where's My Car?" Kutcher or Robin "JUMANJI!!!!!" Williams) has a "serious role" in a movie, they grow a beard. Do yer research and you will see Doom is always right! 'Nuff said..

Doom: Despite having a great title, this piece of crapulence served no point whatsoever. Has the future not heard of night-vision googles? But they have apparently abolished underwear for women, so a point in that column. The storyline was ridiculous and took the entire time to come to the point. The "first-person" shooter POV was stupid and looked like crap. The Rock does play a good increasingly-psychopathic Sarge and the fight scene at the end was pretty good.

Ultraviolet: Ugh. The special effects sucked and served no purpose. The storyline was ridiculous. Crap on a stick.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle: Greatest stoner flick ever. Hi-larious!

Grandma's Boy: Monkey, do you know Donkey Kong?

Unleashed: Jet Li in a dog collar, had killer kung-fu action.

Can Doom talk about The Hills for a second? LC threw away an entire career so she could be with the guy with the High School Beard. Stupida. That's Doom's only political statement for now.
Snakes on a Plane is next, beeyotch. And Doom got a phone call from Samuel L. himself.

Ate! By a Shark! A Shark Goddammit!

2006-07-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been a while since Doom has posted. Tell Doom something Doom did not know.

Your Mom.

....

Doom will soon see Superman and Pirates 2. Excellent.

"We've got to get these motherfuckin' snakes off the motherfuckin' plane!"
With these words, Samuel L Jackson is the MAN once again. Snakes on a Plane. Doom saw the novelization (!) in a store and almost bought it. But Doom doesn't want to spoil the flick. Jackson's also Ultimate Nick Fury, dammit! Scope it here. Finally, Grand Theft America is here!

Almost 4th of July!!! Doom will have to barbeque some peasants....er...burgers!

Lost in 24 and Mutants

2006-05-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well, the TV season has now ended, another year wasted in front of the boob tube (mmm...boobs).

24: Jack Bauer has once again saved the day and killed a lot of people. The President has gone down. He's on a slow ship to China.

Lost: Holy Crap, where should Doom begin? Desmond, Eko and Locke could be dead, and nobody has investigated the frickin' Hatch?! Michael and his son are gone, and Jack, Sawyer and Kate have been taken captive by the Others. And it turns out that Henry is in charge!!

X-Men 3: Not as good as the first 2, but okay. Many deaths (yes, long has Doom prayed for the deaths of these meddlesome mutants) and cures. Kitty Pryde looking good this time around, Rogue not too shabby either. Miss Toad and Sabretooth, but Pyro is fairly cool....

Until next time, peons!

Superman, Supernatural, Government and Forensics

2006-05-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

Doom has been watching way too much TV. Season finales, to be exact. To recap some of Doom's favor-ites:

CSI: Brass got shot, Grissom's banging Sarah. Yah!

Supernatural: One more bullet for the Colt, Dean's really nice car is crunched by a possessed tractor trailer driver (with family inside), and Mr. Mean Demon is pissing Doom off.

NCIS: Ship blew up due to politicians (gr...Doom hates those guys. That's probably why Doom is the only politician in Latveria), Gibbs quit. Will probably be back.

West Wing: No more Bartlett administration, all hail Santos administration. Doom can now take over this world......

Smallville: Let's see here. Clark trapped in Phantom Zone, Chloe being beaten up, plane about to go down, Lana's insane. And oh yeah---Lex is Zod.

Jordan's on the run, Robin Hood's girl is pregnant, and Lost and 24 finales are soon, Doom will expound more......Boo yah bee-yotches.

Saw The Sentinel. Pretty good, it's no In the Line of Fire. It did have Jack Bauer running around, though. X3 is next.

FOOLS!

2006-05-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

How could one not enjoy the cinematic masterpiece that is "The Shawshank Redemption?"

Fool.

Hells yeah.

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

2006-04-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

Pirates are drinking and having fun. The Seven Seas is where they're from. Scurvy, beee-yotch. The world's only Pirate-core band. Recognize. Yarr!

And, since Doom has kept everybody waiting long enough, Doom's Top 10 Movie List. In no particular order. Doom is ordered with conventions by no man. Sucka.

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
The Shawshank Redemption
Braveheart
Aliens
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
The Fugitive/In the Line of Fire
The Matrix
Raiders of the Lost Ark/The Last Crusade
Jurassic Park (the original)

Some runner-ups included The Manchurian Candidate, X-Mens 1 and 2, and The 13th Warrior.

Finally, it has been said that a thousand monkeys typing on a thousand typewriters will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. You know what this means, don't you?

Monkeys Plagarize.

So says Doom. And Pearls Before Swine.

ACTING!! BRILLIANT!!!

2006-04-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Doom don't have much to report this time, peons.

Great LOST site Doom discovered: http://lostpedia.com/wiki/Main_Page

Doom will soon have the MOTHER OF ALL TOP 10 LISTS soon.

Updates Galore, Kinda

2006-03-26T10:04:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Okay, okay so Doom hasn't been updating regularly. Doom has been very busy. Celebrating the Doom's birthday is a national holiday in Latveria. A month-long affair.

Some new movies have been viewed. XXX: State of the Union and Transporter 2 are some good flicks, if you take your brain out for a while and put in a jar next to your dentures. Just something you don't have to think about. Over the top action (Doom's not referring to backwards-cap wearin' arm wrasslin' either) and cool weaponry. Also saw Good Night and Good Luck. Powerful flick, great acting. Damn you McCarthy!!!

Dharma No-Spoil Ranch Dressing

2006-03-02T15:22:00.000-08:00

Ah, Lost. Gotta love it. Last night was another weird one....

Henry Gale, the alleged Other kept prisoner in the bunker: Gale is also the name of Dorothy's uncle from Wizard of Oz. And Other Gale did say he flew in a hot-air balloon. Very manipulative individual, making Locke go nuts in the kitchen. Dostevsky (the author he's reading, according to Con Air said you can judge a society by the way they keep their prisoners....) And what is THE DHARMA PROJECT?

Teenage Dharma girl: Could it be Alex Rousseau, crazy french lady's daughter kidnapped 14 years ago?

Ethan Rom the wild Other: Anagram for "Other Man" and "More Than."

Zeke the Other Sea Captain: Kate found his beard and theatrical stuff in a locker. The Others aren't the wild redneckian bunch living off the fat of the land. Dharma doctors perhaps?

24: Jack's hot daughter Kim is back. Let's hope she doesn't cause anybody else to lose limbs for her. It's heart attack time. President Logan is bothering the hell out of Doom.

Snoogans

2006-02-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

Jay is right, Affleck really was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.

Doom saw "Stealth." Not the piece of crap everybody made it out to be. A little too long. But it had Jessica Biel in a bikini and revealing her bra size. That's just good cinematography.
But Doom digresses... Mr. Golddigger, himself, Jamie "Ray" Fox bit the bullet and rammed into a mountain. There was an annoying self-aware super jet that, after killing Ray, later rams himself (itself?) into a Korean helicopter. Fairly cool dogfighting scenes, future weaponry. Perhaps Doom should buy one for Latverian security.
That damn KARR didn't work out. Stupid sentient machinery. Bah!

And Doom doesn't care the ending is now ruined!

Wookin Pa Nub

2006-02-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

Greetings, bee-yotches! Word to your moms, Doom came to drop bombs.

Doom has been busy these last several weeks, looking up useless information on this...World Wide Web.

Weirdest Clothing Ever...Pantalaine.com. Doom has always wanted Pillow Fighter Pants.

Not Quite Human. More brilliantness from the Boy Who Could Fly. And Doom also thinks there was some kid with a super-soaker full of piss.....but that may be a flashback.

Chuck Norris Facts. Amazing. Simply Amazing. http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

This was being read on LOST last week: The Bad Twin. Gary Troup is an anagram for Purgatory....the plot thickens, but DOOM already knows how it will all end. Fools.

The Doom's Blog is gaining popularity, judging by the Google hits. Spread the word of DOOM, peasants! http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=doomsblog

Whew. Doom is exhausted. It ain't easy being a genius. Richards is a wuss.

El Chupacabra y mis pantalones

2006-01-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

Hola--

Donde esta la biblioteca? Mi bigote es muy grande y los zapatos son muy malo. No necesitas sus pantalones porque tu eres muy caliente!

Adios, el espanol de DOOM es muy mal pero, no es importante!

Viva el chupamiel!!

Geronimo Jackson

2006-01-23T16:06:00.000-08:00

Just who is the band "Geronimo Jackson" from LOST? And is the hot psychiatrist from the Tail Section's Hurley's shrink from the asylum? Damn good show....

http://www.thetailsection.com/2006/01/lost-hunting-party-geronimo-jackson.html

http://www.geronimo-jackson.com/

Saw "Underworld: Evolution." Awesome movie, brutal deaths and injuries. Doom's kinda movie.
Also bought "Flash" DVD.

Doom out.

New Year's Revolutions

2006-01-19T16:16:00.000-08:00

New Years Resolutions, eh? Very well, Doom will now give 5 to you in no particular order:

1. Kill Richards. Not Khan, Mondego, or whatever insufferable fool may "be in fashion." Richards. Head on a pike. Or a plate. With a nice Kianti and some fava beans. Fool.
2. Lose weight. The ol' armor's feeling a bit tighter than usual. Actually, it's probably Doom's tailor's fault. Doom did do away with his whole family. And that mistress.
2 (revised). Kill Tailor.
3. Take over the world. This one's a given. Latveria's just a trial run.
4. Continue to develop mind-blowing weaponry to use on innocent civilians and the ocassional superhero.
5. Do a little dance, make a little love....to Doom's future wife, Jessica Alba. Yes, #5 is to bone Jessica Alba a little more in '06.

And that's all there is to it. Doom is perfect and therefore has no need to make your pathetic New Year's Resolutions. Fools!! One day Doom shall rule you all!!!!

Portrait of The Bastard as a Young Man

2006-01-15T09:05:00.000-08:00

Who is Richards?

Doom has often asked this question, and is unable to come up with a suitable answer. Richards is the stretchy, small-brained, chucklehead "leader" of the so-called Fantastic Four. Mr Fantastic indeed. Mr Mediocre is more like it. But Doom digresses.

Doom was once a young strapping physics student. Who also could totally do magic. Desperate to free the Doom mother from the hoary hosts of Hell, Doom embarked on a journey to do so. The calculations were correct, all was right. Until that fool, Richards butted in and destroyed everything. To make a long story short, Doom was kicked out of school by feeble-minded administrators. Richards became the enemy. That is all....Doom does not wish to dwell on these memories any longer. RICHARDS!!!!

Go play "Half-Life 2." Now. If you're good, perhaps Doom will reveal Doom's New Year Resolutions.

Merry Flippin Christmas Peasants

2005-12-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

Well, another Christmas has come and gone. Like sands from the hourglass.....

Bah! Doom received none of the Weapons of Mass Destruction promised by the pagan giftgiver, The Santa Claus! No physics-defying ass-kickery! No death-dealing widgets of war! Not even a pony!
Damn you, Claus! All the human and poultry sacrifices were in vain. You know you're not getting those elves back now.

This is somehow Richards' fault.....

Fools! One day Doom will show you all!!!

Damn Dirty Ape

2005-12-16T16:52:00.000-08:00

Saw "King Kong" the other night. Is anything better than a giant monkey fighting 4 Tyrannosaurus Rex in the middle of a jungle? Doom thinks not. Jack Black had the breakthrough performance playing away from his usual character. Naomi Watts is fairly hot. Possible sequel "Son of Kong." Many giant monkey skulls everywhere and more dinos than Jurassic Park.

Check out this excellent review from Toshi Station.

And the lyrics below are from "Lost."

Peace out monkey afficianados.

You All Everbody

2005-12-11T14:59:00.000-08:00

You all, everybody
Doom don't like you stupid people
Wearing expensive clothes

DriveShaft's website

Out Out Damn Spam!

2005-11-12T17:35:00.000-08:00

Blogspire dares to spam DOOM? Doom didn't want your damn spam, in a can, down with the program Yosemite Sam. Come Halloween you know Doom comes strapped I hit a sucker---kepap!

Sorry, Beastie Boys moment.

A Man Called Buccho

2005-11-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

Well, Doom decided to check out a couple of movies.

Zorro: Great flick despite the urge to pee after consuming a bottle of Mountain Dew. Doom had to go so bad Doom could friggin taste it. But that's neither hither nor tither....
A little more far fetched than the first one, but excellent swordplay. This 19th Centrury Mexican Batman sure meddles.

King Arthur: Fairly boring. Some cool actions scenes but seemed relatively pointless. It did star the guy who played Richards in the new Fantastic Four movie, but he got killed so Doom felt good.

Out like a fat kid at dodgeball.

Great Friggin Pumpkin

2005-11-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Doom has been busy. This Monday was Hallo-ween, and Doom had to protect Latveria's shores from the likes of The Great Pumpkin. Doom costume one and two look bad, but it's the thought that counts.....Doom will have someone annhilate them later. No naughty nurses came by Castle Doom, however.

Accursed Daylight Savings Time!!! Doom has no cattle! Doom has no crops to bring in!!! Why Daylight Savings Time? This has Richards written all over it. And IT can only end in fire.

Bought Star Wars Episode 3, Batman Begins, the series Lost and Firefly. Doom is hooked. Thank God Doom has a latrine built into the armor.

Pretend Doom didn't say that.....

Stone Cold Crazy You Know

2005-10-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

The following people are crazy.

Danny Bonnaduce
Anna Nicole Smith
Nicolas Cage (he named his kid Kal-El for Doom's sake)
Katie Holmes, but only because she's staying with Scientology boy.
Reed Richards

And in other news, someone wants to have Doom's baby. See previous post's comments.
Boo-frickin-yah. You know Doom's boys can swim. And that's why Doom rides the big bus.

Will have a report on the new "DOOM" movie soon.

Happy Freakin Anniversary

2005-10-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

Well, the mighty Doom's Blog has been active for one year this month! This goes out to all the little people who thought Doom couldn't do it! FOOLS! Doom can do anything! Bah! The purge of naysayers will come soon....

It's been a year of infrequent updates, Richards rantings and general genius.
And, for the first anniversary, Doom has....

Another movie review.

Saw "Serenity." Based on the cancelled cult series "Firefly," it kinda felt like a long episode but damn good. A little depressing but still good.

Revenge of the Thai

2005-09-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

Check out Revenge of the Sith in Thailand.

http://winterson.com/archives/2005_06_01_archive.html

One-Wheeled Fury

2005-09-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap!!

General Grievous called, he wants his bike back!

Flippin' awesome!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale....

2005-09-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

No lights. No phones. No motor cars. Not a single luxury. Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be. Mmmmm...coconuts. Mary Anne. Ginger.

Farewell, Gilligan. Take care of yourself, sailor. Mr. Howell, you have the helm.

And Judge "Star Wars Robes" Rhenquist died too. One more dead famous guy to go, and you have the famous trilogy.

**Doom is calling on all Doom-ites to help spread the word of DOOM. Tell your friends. Make them go here. Pop open eyeballs with toothpicks. GO!!

Video Killed the Radio Star

2005-08-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

Ah, MTV. Doom wants to thank you for not paying homage to so many rappers this time. They, with their bling and dubs. Doom wears million-dollar armor, bee-yotch! Beat that, Kanye, 50 and...Richards.

Kelly Clarkson. Doom is oddly embarassed by your faux-rock bubblegummy pop confection. Doom seems to enjoy but sickened by such tunes like "Since U Been Gone." And it's not just cuz you're hot in the punk-rock prom queen thing you've got going on. Green Day continues to surprise and amaze Doom with pure rock. More on them another day.

Doom: The Movie. With the Rock.

Dance Monkey

2005-08-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Doom is recently back from vacation. So, you eagerly awaiting, drooling sycophants....Doom has returned to bring you more musings of a genius.

Anywhoo....

Doom saw several movies during the hiatus:

Coyote Ugly: Hey, it was on TNT or something. Not much to report, but hot chicks dancing. Also a lot of thong shots. No apparent reason. Just there.

The Rundown: The Rock kills in this movie. He is the next Governator--action packed. Funny and believable in this flick. Christopher Walken as a bad guy too. (Doom have a disease, and the only cure is more cowbell). Stiffler's also in it.

The Last Samurai: Friggin' epic. Swords, martial arts. You can't go wrong. Tom Cruise is in it, but he isn't jumping on the couch crazy.

Man on Fire: With Denzel Washington as an alcoholic killing machine. Cute kid. Depressing as all hell at the end. Also has Christopher Walken.

Sin City: Bought this sucker on DVD. Just as good as in the theater. Behind the scenes sucked though. It was like 10 minutes of crap we've already heard. The book provided more info.

Oh, and horse souls taste good.

Random Acts

2005-08-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

Just some random stuff found whilst online. Doom is always on the lookout for the next "shoot the gopher" banner game or a substitute for the Cheesy Gordita. Or porn.

Elvis Trooper-- Uhmm....okay.

Jr. Woodchuck-- Intelligent ramblings from a close friend of Doom.

Tomcruiseisnuts.com-- It's true. Maverick is crazy!

Spam Bam Thank you Ma'am

2005-08-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Dr. Doom;

I am Mr. Dah Lo, credit officer of the National Bank of Pappaomowmow. I have a concealed business suggestion for you...I would like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to our deceased wealthy leader, General Woo, so that you will be able to receive his millions...All that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your full name, Social Security Number and Bank account number so that we can temporarily move the General's funds to your account...You will be given 20% of the funds once they are withdrawn.

Sincerely,
Mr. Dah Lo

Fool!! Doom will take your ill-gotten wealth and plunder your country of Pappaomowmow and leave it penniless! Bank account number, eh? Well, Mr Dah Lo, say hello....to YOUR DOOM!!!

Sucker.

High Drama

2005-07-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

So, Lance Armstrong has once again won The Tour De France. And he didn't even thank Doom for the bionic implants. You know, down there.... Or the bike. And now the rest of the world can go about not caring about The Tour De France.

The new Harry Potter is released. Doom had Voldemort for breakfast the other day. Potter, you're next!!! Doom will not brook any kind of magical ne'er do well!!! Besides, Doom is really good at Quidditch.

Speaking of Potter, Ricky Williams apparently smoked all the pot in Miami, so he's playing football again.

Doom has seen the New Laguna Beach cast. Doom is thinking of casting his own teen drama. Latveria Beach. Catchy, yes? Eat that Richards! It's kind of like Dawson's Creek but with murder. Stay tuned.

Thank you. So are you.

2005-07-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ah...Doom has finally seen "The Fantastic Four." And it was pretty good.

More or less true to the comic. Standouts were The Human Torch, and of course, The Invisible Woman. Chris Evans, who played the Torch, nailed a wise ass, publicity seeking hothead perfectly. And Jessica Alba was in it too. Stan Lee was Willie Lumpkins. The Commish as the Thing wasn't half bad either. Richards. Oh Richards. Stealing the girl from Doom....

moving on.

DOOM, of course, was in the movie. Playing a successful billionaire who gets transformed in a cosmic accident to a metal skinned electricity throwing guy. He was pretty good, but who could play Doom, except of course, but Doom. Wide open for sequels.

Also saw "Bubba Ho-Tep" as well. Don't f@#$ with king baby!

Independence Day

2005-07-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July!!!

4 more days until the opening of "Fantastic Four" and Doom did see a preview where Doom's future wife Jessica Alba makes her clothing invisible. That is just quality filmmaking. Oh, and the other special effects look really cool too.

Switched at Birth?

2005-06-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Greetings, Citizens of California. Once again, you have allowed yet another celebrity criminal to go free. O.J. Baretta. Wacko Jacko. If Doom is going to commit a crime against humanity, Doom will damn well do it in Los Angeles!!!!

Switched at Birth?

Michael Jackson and that chimp chick from "Planet of the Apes?"

Also, Doom saw the new "Batman" movie. Dark, awesome. Best Batman ever. Christian Bale is perfect as Batman. Bruce Wayne is simply another mask.
Doom has decided: if Doom is going to kill some parents, Doom will damn well kill the kid too. Doom doesn't want some Dark Avenger coming after Doom's life when Doom is old and complaining about Matlock and pills. Perhaps Doom will do all of this in California.
Doom is evil after all. Bah! Fools!

Ox 45

2005-06-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

Is Doom the only person in the world to ever have seen this movie? Doom knows that Chip has seen it.....

The Stoned Age

With immortal lines about Ox 45 malt liquor, getting some talls, cars with eyeballs and getting hit with a laser from a Blue Oyster Cult show, how could this not be a classic?

By the way, Chip---where is Doom's copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special. A film so bad that George Lucas himself denies its existence??????? Props!!

Revenge of the Sith

2005-06-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

Greetings. Star Wars Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith rocked! By far the best of the prequel movies and perhaps second place to Empire Strikes Back!
Everybody fought everybody else, General Grievous vs Obi-Wan, Anakin vs Obi-Wan, Mace vs Palpatine. Mace went out like a champ. Powerful emotions, great action. A couple of continuity inconsistencies, but still cool. Watched New Hope afterwards, and some things did add up. Executive Order 66 will probably be the name of somebody's band soon....

That is all. May the Dark Side of the Force be with you.

Stoopid Foolz

2005-05-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

This is just funny. Doom enjoys laughing at the expense of stupid people. Fun with Photoshop.

http://pazeme.lv/hilarious/

Woah

2005-05-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

Doom has been busy.

Last Sunday was Mother's Day. What do you get from a woman whom you personally rescued from Hell? Doom tried to come up with a poem but was unable to rhyme "Damned Soul" with anything meaningful. So Doom got her a gift certificate to the Latverian Denny's.

And Richards may or may not be dead right now.

Ever notice that Bob the Builder and those things from Fraggle Rock kinda look the same? Distant, soullless, felt ancestors?

The new Star Wars comes out next Thursday. Doom is sure to report on that. And go buy this book for Doom: The Making of Sin City.

Palabra

2005-05-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

Doom has received news that Kevin Smith gives the new Star Wars movie great reviews. This makes Doom want to see it that much more. Despite reports of little Vader coverage. Check this out, lunchbox.

Rocket Car!!!

Doom believes that a new "Real World" cast should be put together, with Lil Jon, Sean Connery and Tommy Lee Jones (What? I don't care! Shuttup, I'm working!)

Red Dwarf toys...smegheads!

Best movie ever. Poor man's SCREAM, but with, uh, strippers and lawyers.

Chaka Unh

2005-04-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

Doom is discovering that Doom has many fans. It is these people who have good taste. And hate Richards. Speaking of that fool, Richards: the Fantastic Four Movie is only a few months away. What's with the trailer? "Five Astronauts. One is bad. Four are Fantastic." Or something like that. Doom ain't down with good press for Richards. Or HERBIE. Are they saying Doom is a bad astronaut? Did Doom not mix the Tang right? FOOLS!!

Mythbusters is a good show. Doom enjoys watching stuff blow up.

Congratulations, Jennie! She has supported Doom through many a campaign.

News that fits, Doom prints

2005-04-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

Leo? You dare tell Doom to grow up? Doom doesn't even know who the hell you are!!! Fool!! One day Doom will rule you, too...And Noran, thank you for the encouragement, but why conquer England, when you can just conquer the whole world and be done with it...

Some worthwhile news stories:

Mad Max fans arrested. Even Doom knows better than to roll down the street with machine guns.

Bigfoot spotted! One day, Doom will have your carcass in Doom's rompus room, Chewbacca!

Also, go buy Twisted Toyfare Theater, Vol 5, starring DOOM.

Nuff said Peasants.

Shocking!

2005-04-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

Doom has a confession to make....

Yes, Doom is the father of Britney Spears' baby! Doom did indeed hit that one more time!

The Philosophy of Lil Jon

2005-04-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

Doom has found a new guru. None can rival Doom, but Lil Jon does come damn close. No, not Robin Hood's compatriot (steal from the rich, indeed. Try it again, Englishman!), but that Krunk-addled rapper.
Lil Jon's philosophy can be boiled down to the three words that have become a mainstay in his vocabulary. It's better to hear it, but Doom will attempt.

Yeah!: shows a willingness to please and to be enthusiastic.

Okay!: to go along with the flow.

What?: always questioning.

So, Lil Jon, Doom raises his pimp cup to you. The Titan of Tomfoolery. The gold-toothed hellion of hip-hopdom. Doom would also like to raise the pimp cup to both Tiger Woods and the Boston Red Sox. Except for you, Pedro Martinez. Who crapped in your cornflakes?
Until then, peace out and word to your mother.
bee-yotch.

Shamrocks and Shennanigans

2005-04-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

Doom saw "Sin City" in all of its noir, black and white stylized violence. Carla Gugina was buck naked throughout the majority of the movie, Doom's future wife Jessica Alba (as Nancy) was not. Pulp Fiction-esque, it had several major story lines. Callahan (Bruce Willis), Marv (whom Doom would like to hire--just see the flick) and Dwight and the Hookers all with separate story lines but still tied in. Doom is pleased they didn't mess it up. Even Frank Miller shows up. He gets killed, just like in Daredevil. It also had funny parts, so Doom could laugh amongst the blood and violence ( as Doom often does).

Doom also purchased Series 5 and 6 of "RED DWARF." If you do not like Red Dwarf, then you are a smeghead. And the Star Wars Clone Wars series, 1st season.

Next up, the Philosophy that is LITTLE JOHN. Yeah!

Fools. One day, Doom will rule you all. Especially you, Burger King. Richards, of course, will be dead by then.

Reed Richards is Doom's Hero

2005-04-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

Ah...Reed Richards. Quite possibly the only other man who possibly surpasses Doom's intellect. Doom enjoys the crap out of Richard's company, his brain. And he can stretch really far. When the the nattering ninnies of negativity started to whisper in Richard's ear about a ship with bad shielding, he said nay! It was Richard's awesome intellectual prowess that lead the four, wait, the Fantastic Four to a destiny unheard. Reed Richards is in fact, Doom's hero. He is the Man.

Bah!! April Fools, Fools!!!!!

Unnatural Abilities

2005-03-14T17:02:00.000-08:00

Doom just saw the new Star Wars trailer. Doom will see the new Star Wars movie. Doom does not care what any of you nay-sayers....um...say!!

Go and download, Jedi!

And while you're waiting for that, go and get the Ewok DVD. Doom hates Ewoks, but it is rather amusing. Ewok recipes are very underated.

And that's the way Doom rolls.

MMMMM...Pizza

2005-03-10T20:29:00.000-08:00

What?

Why?

Doom must know!!!!

Goons and Doom

2005-03-09T17:46:00.000-08:00

Can't a guy send a goon out to break another guy's arm without suffering any consequences? Doom does it all the time. And there's nothing you can do about it. Bah! There was this one time, in chess camp....needless to say, Sergei Kravenoff never played chess again.

Ahh..24. You make Doom have a mini heart attack every week with your fast-paced action and intrigue. Doom does miss Kim Bauer, Jack's daughter however. Her escapades to get captured or tracked by a mountain lion are missed. As are her habits of getting boyfriends limbs cut off. And jiggling.

So, The Red Sox will get their rings in front of the Yankees. Eat that, Yankee!! Doom is pleased.

But Doom's got no time for goons that maim, girlfriends who do the same and causing Yankees pain! Doom's got metal to burn and Richards to slay! The next Doom's Blog is just around the bend!!

Latverian Idol

2005-02-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

When did society go from wanting Jessie's Girl to wanting Stacie's mom?

Doom will see you up to your eyeballs in lava for dismissing Doom, Cowell. NO ONE DISMISSES DOOM!!

Doom is now taking entries for "Latverian Idol." Losers will be dissed and dismissed. That means you, William Hung. And the weird kid who sang the Hasselhoff song.

Belli-Chuck

2005-02-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

Ha! Patriots win the Super Bowl. A Dynasty if Doom ever saw one.

Chunky Soup cannot help you or your mother, McNab!!

Punk.

Guess Who's Back

2005-02-06T12:40:00.000-08:00

Well, citizens of the Internet, Doom has returned. Doom knows you missed reading the newest updates to the Doomsblog. Richards has once again proven hard to kill. But Doom will be triumphant.

Punxsutawney Phil. This damnable groundhog has decided to show his shadow again! Even after Doom has told him never to show his face again! Remember what happened last time when you crossed claws with....DOOM?! Doom promised that you would see your KISS coffin, and you will. Rodent.

The first picture of Doom from the "Fantastic Four Movie" has hit the internet as well. Click here and...fear!

Superbowl Sunday is today. Patriots vs Eagles. While Doom is a Patriots fan, Doom will be rooting for the Girls Gone Wild Halftime Show. Nuff said peasants.

Place Your Bets

2005-01-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

Today's movie pic will be that fanboy extravaganza "Freddy Vs Jason." It concerns those two titans of terror, Freddy Krueger and Jason Vorhees. Together, they put up an impressive body county of 25-year old teenagers.
The director evidently went to the "Scream" school of directing that states that if a character drinks, etc in one of these movies, they're going to die. Horribly. Nudity too. Death in bunkbeds is cool.
The main characters is a beautiful, unknown actress/virgin and her long-lost boyfriend who just escaped from a mental institution. They survive the movie by default for these reasons alone.
Doom enjoys death and causes thereof, so let's just get to it:
Jerk boyfriend bosses girlfriend around. They drink and have sex. He's folded up in a bed and she finds him after taking, what else, but a jiggly shower. She dies later after passing out.
Jerk friend mouths off to father while drinking--dead.
Big huge party in the middle of nowhere, with beer included. Multiple deaths. Drug-addled Jay clone is among the survivors, only to be killed later after smoking a big phat joint. Best friend with dead brother issues also dies most painfully.
THE FINAL SHOWDOWN DEATH TALLEY:
Loveable nerdy underdog and best friend/singing sensation both die on general horror principles. The Only Adult Who Believes Those Crazy Kids also dies.
Neither psycho dies, only paving the way for more damn sequels.

But what does Doom know, Doom still misses "The Misfits of Science."

Doom's Year Resolutions

2005-01-04T16:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over. New Year's is over. There is much that Doom has forgotten to do, but it matters not. Doom thought to keep it simple, and start from the beginning. So, for your enjoyment and possible emulation, here is what Doom promises to do in the new year...

5. Kill Richards.

4. Keep the armor clean and shiny.

3. Jessica Alba. (nuff said)

2. Kill Richards. Again. Launching the Baxter Building never seems to work.

1. Keep that pimp hand strong.

Happy New Years, peasants.

Santa? Bah!

2004-12-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

Doom has compiled a detailed list of some of Doom's favorite things. Doom would therefore like these things for Christmas. Doom promises not to conquer your block as fast.

DOOM'S CHRISTMAS LIST

Doom has so much holiday spirit, Doom's practically crapping out jingle bells.
(Thanks Mikey from OCC)

Doom and Ebert

2004-12-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

Doom has decided to share with you, the reader, some movie reviews. Also some holiday humbug.

Blade Trinity: The third chapter in the Blade movies. So, Daywalker. You have returned to rule the box office. Wait until "The Victor Von Doom Story," also known as "The Fantastic Four Movie." Doom will have his revenge. Anways, a good movie filled with vampire killin' and intrigue. Didn't like Parker Posey as a gender-confused vampire lord. All wrong for the part, looked too old and too scared. The ex-John Doe, Dominc Purcell was great as Drake. His design is much like the Reapers from the second Blade movie. Doom can't abide those damn vampires.

Office Space: Yes! If Doom ever worked in an office environment, this is what Doom's office would be like. Funny, and Doom rarely laughs except at the expense of others.

That's the end of the movie reviews for this week, peasant and you'd better like it. In addition, Doom had his web-minions up late the last couple of weeks (okay, years) to prepare some special Doom-mas treats.

6 Christmas movies you forgot were Christmas movies

Doom also found this excellent review of DOOM'S BLOG. And right it is. Doom has spoken.

Action Jackson

2004-12-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

Samuel L. Jackson is the Man. Perhaps even more of the Man than Doom is, if such a thing is possible. Some of the greatest lines in movie history have been uttered by him. Try speaking these lines, at the top of your lungs, when you're all alone in a big castle with a country to run.

"Honey, where is my super suit?"
"And you will know my name is the LORD..."
"Yes they deserved to die and I hope they burn in Hell!"
"This is a tasty burger."

Check out this Sam Jackson soundboard.

Early Morning Stone Pimp

2004-12-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

Doom has conquered time travel. Took power from The Beyonder. Defeated Richards and the so-called Fantastic Four numerous times.

But there is one thing Doom does not know....is MTV's Laguna Beach real? Doom cannot fathom a guess? It looks fake, it has hot 18-yr old girls doing things in ready-made situations....

So Doom did what Doom thought was right: Doom asked Jeeves. Apparently it is! Doom knows it is crap, but is it also...art?

Schoolyard Justice

2004-12-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

Ah. Thanksgiving is now over. Much turkey. Much football. That means Doom-mas is almost here. More on that later.

Doom was recently clued into the fact that Doom's blog doesn't sound too much like Doom lately. That insignificant gnat is now the mortar that holds Doom's brick wall together. Somehow he was sent by Richards. How Doom hates Richards.

Doom has decided to publish a short portion of his college journal for all you future despots. Just stay away from Latveria, that is territory that belongs to DOOM.

March 22

Doom demands Schoolyard Justice! A wrong has been committed against Doom's personage! Doom knows for a fact that is was Richards who pennied Doom into his dorm room just when Doom has to use the bathroom. Trying to discover a way to get one's Damned mother out of Hell takes work and lots of Mountain Dew. One day Richards. One Day.

Doom recommends these sites, so go to them, peon!

Doom finds BebopGirl83 most amusing....

Las Vegas Trikes

The hilarity that is Toshi Station

Choppers, Conspiracies and Treasure

2004-11-22T16:32:00.000-08:00

Doom has become addicted to the television program known as American Chopper. A bickering family builds custom motorcycles, and it is good. Perhaps Doom shall contact them to build a...DOOM BIKE.
Doom also saw the movie National Treasure. Full of US history, an American DaVinci Code. Excellent.

Also Doom is smelling a conspiracy. Indiana Pacer Ron Artest has been suspended after the fracas a few nights ago. This just after this chucklehead asked for 30 days off to promote his rap album. Conspiracy? Doom believes so!!!

Stay tuned, for Doom has prepared a special Thanksgiving treat.

Dust. Wind. Dude.

2004-11-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

Thinking of the 80's got Doom's mind going. Being 100 times smarter than you would do this. Especially Richards. Doom has taken the time to research some of Doom's favorite pop culture icons of the 80's. Click on the links or feel Doom's wrath....

Ookla The Mok

Greatest American Hero

Wyld Stallyns

A final thought. If Doom were a poet, Doom would totally dominate the pro-poetry circuit.

Fast Times At Bust Your Buddy High

2004-11-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

Doom has recently purchased the DVD set of "21 Jumpstreet." Filled with 80's goodness and Captain Jack Sparrow as a cop pretending to be a high school student. Just some damn good nostalgia. They don't make cop shows like that anymore. Ah, the 80's. Doom remembers them well. Launching the Baxter Building into space every few weeks. Calling Ben Grimm a buffoon. Calling Richards a mega-buffoon. Zebra pants, rad music and Valley Girls. Good times, good times. Doom's out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

Darth Vader: Bitin' on Doom's look?

2004-11-09T17:46:00.000-08:00

Doom has just witnessed the teaser trailer for Star Wars: Episode 3 Revenge of The Sith. Doom is beyond words. Lava fighting, jedi purges, and what's this? A once-handsome, mask and armor wearing, lost student of the mystic arts? Sounds familar? Yes, IT IS a blatant ripoff of Doom! Holy Crap, how could Doom's lawyer's miss this? Perhaps Doom can forgive this...Lucas...if the movie does not suck.
Watch the TRAILER, peon!

Last week, Doom, was, as the British (bah!) would say, a bit peckish. Doom went into the kitchen and saw the cook watching THE OC. Beautiful people with beautiful problems. But the teen angst did overcome Doom. Hot chicks seemingly wearing prom dresses all the time, Hulking out and throwing furniture into a pool. Doom does feel ashamed to have watched this. Doom, too, once had OC-esque good looks until Richards. Rat bastard....

Oh yes, and you will visit http://jamesvanvalkenburgh.com.

Vote it your way

2004-11-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

What's this? How many times does Doom have to tell you, O Burger King, to stay out of Doom's bed in the morning! Practically every freakin' morning, Doom awakens to a giant-headed monarch toting breakfast sandwiches and kingly jewelry! Doom told you the last time, if Doom wanted an Egg McMuffin, Doom would ask for an Egg McMuffin! Stay out of Doom's bed, it's really creeping Doom out.... only Jessica Alba may share Doom's bed.

Also, vote or die peasants! Not because that song-stealing P Diddy told you to, but because DOOM told you to!

uhm, rock the vote, yo.

Champions and Pagans Both

2004-11-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

Doom apologizes for allowing this blog to be published so late, but there are things that had to be done around Castle Doom!

The Red Sox are the new World Series Champions. First time in 86 years. The moment fans have been waiting for all their lives. Excellent... Waiting for the merchandise at Dick's was quite taxing. Doom had to kill at least 2 people for their spots in line. Doom waits in no man's line!

Halloween has come and gone as well. The children of Latveria love to dress up as Doom. Do they dress up as Richards? No! It is forbidden while in Latveria. Doom had no time to pass out candy so the children can be administered glucose in the morning. No, Doom's time was spent checking Latveria's skies so The Great Pumpkin would not come in unexpected. No pagan god of blanket-holding children will be worshipped while Doom is around. Doom is forever! All will worship Doom!! Order and despair!!

Buffoonery

2004-10-25T16:38:00.000-07:00

The Red Sox are 2 games away from complete victory. Doom laughs at curses! Did Doom cower when the aboriginal witchdoctor cursed Doom with boils? No! Doom laughed at him and showed him Doom's size 12's! He made an excellent fertilizer to Doom's garden. Oh yes, YANKEES SUCK. As does Richards. Buffoon.

Doom has also started to read Marvel 1602 and Doom is impressed. Doom's ancestor, Otto "The Handsome" Von Doom attempts to rule the world (of 1602). The Ultimate Fantastic Four TPB has also been interested, although Doom is barely in it.

The Green Behemoth that has plagued Doom also has his own blog, curse you HULK. It is rather humorous, but it is annoying that he continues to talk in the third person. Only Bob Dole did that...buffoon. Doom has spoken.

Son Of Jor-El, Kneel Before Doom!

2004-10-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

Greetings, peasants. Doom here. First off, The Boston Red Sox are in The World Series. This is a time to be remembered. The greatest team in the world has ascended.

Another excellent episode of Smallville last night. Bart Allen, The Flash, has visited Clark Kent. Perhaps a call to Lex Luthor (we play golf twice a week) will enlighten him to the goldmine that is right in front of his bald-pated nose. If only Doom can harness the power of this...Superman.

It has also been called to Doom's attention that an..actor has been cast in the role of Doom in the so-called "Fantastic Four" movie. Julian McMahon from "Nip/Tuck," "Profiler" and "Charmed" will play DOOM. More on that another time. Also, Doom's future wife Jessica Alba will play Sue Storm.

This is all Richard's fault

2004-10-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings. This is Doom. Victor Von Doom. Since you have found this "blog," Doom can only assume that you possess the intelligence to comprehend Doom's words.

Everything that has befallen Doom can be put on the shoulders of one man. No...not a man. A buffoon.

This buffoon's name. Reed Richards. Just the very thought of Richards made Doom destroy another Doombot. And they are very hard to train. This buffoon, unable to master time travel or advanced astrophysics (as Doom so obviously has), decided to take his girlfriend, her brother and his best friend up into space in a stolen government ship. Oddly enough, they were never prosecuted for their national treason. This ship (whose shields were evidently made out of toilet paper) was bombarded with radioactive particles that changed them. Not giving them a rare form of leukemia, but instead powers. Stupid powers.

"Oooh look at me hot girlfriend, I can stretch!!" Doom is talking as Richards, although the bile is beginning to flow up Doom's windpipe.

Now, Doom has conquered time travel. Rescued His damned mother from hell. Rules an entire country with an iron fist. But does Doom have powers? Nay, Doom has no need for them!!

Fools! One day Doom shall rule you all....