The Blog Of Doom

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Location: Castle Doom, Latveria

Friday, January 14, 2005

Place Your Bets

Today's movie pic will be that fanboy extravaganza "Freddy Vs Jason." It concerns those two titans of terror, Freddy Krueger and Jason Vorhees. Together, they put up an impressive body county of 25-year old teenagers.
The director evidently went to the "Scream" school of directing that states that if a character drinks, etc in one of these movies, they're going to die. Horribly. Nudity too. Death in bunkbeds is cool.
The main characters is a beautiful, unknown actress/virgin and her long-lost boyfriend who just escaped from a mental institution. They survive the movie by default for these reasons alone.
Doom enjoys death and causes thereof, so let's just get to it:
Jerk boyfriend bosses girlfriend around. They drink and have sex. He's folded up in a bed and she finds him after taking, what else, but a jiggly shower. She dies later after passing out.
Jerk friend mouths off to father while drinking--dead.
Big huge party in the middle of nowhere, with beer included. Multiple deaths. Drug-addled Jay clone is among the survivors, only to be killed later after smoking a big phat joint. Best friend with dead brother issues also dies most painfully.
THE FINAL SHOWDOWN DEATH TALLEY:
Loveable nerdy underdog and best friend/singing sensation both die on general horror principles. The Only Adult Who Believes Those Crazy Kids also dies.
Neither psycho dies, only paving the way for more damn sequels.

But what does Doom know, Doom still misses "The Misfits of Science."

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Doom's Year Resolutions

Christmas is over. New Year's is over. There is much that Doom has forgotten to do, but it matters not. Doom thought to keep it simple, and start from the beginning. So, for your enjoyment and possible emulation, here is what Doom promises to do in the new year...

5. Kill Richards.

4. Keep the armor clean and shiny.

3. Jessica Alba. (nuff said)

2. Kill Richards. Again. Launching the Baxter Building never seems to work.

1. Keep that pimp hand strong.


Happy New Years, peasants.